Recollections because of my Birthday

I don’t know about you, but I seem to become a much deeper thinker when my birthday is
approaching. First of all, where did the year go. They seem to be going so much faster
every year. Reminds me of the saying that life and the toilet paper roll goes faster
at the end, may be true, hmm.

So why do we resent having another birthday, we really should celebrate as we made it
another year. Growth and learning come with the living another year. Some lessons are
fun and easy, some, not so much. I think learning becomes even more important as we
age, because we actually start to get it. The false trying to please everyone has
been passed over, and now I am genuinely learning. How to feel good, enjoy things more,
really experience the deliciousness of life and the journey I am choosing. The need to
be a certain way so others will like me has transitioned into how do I play with them
so we can be the best that we are. It is freeing and fun to see the different way I
now perceive situations. Gone are the nightly remembering the day, and all the dumb
things I did that day. Gone are the helpless feeling of inadequacy for not being
like they wanted me to be. Found is the paying attention to how I really feel.
Accepting when something doesn’t feel right, and taking a step back to decide what
might feel better, even if it does not please those other people. Standing up for
myself, even if it means stepping away from the situation, and not beating up on myself.

“Try” should only happen when it is fun, and you have the burning desire to do it.
Everything else is just filler. If you think about it when you say “I’ll try” do you
really mean it, or are you just trying to appease someone else? If you really meant it,
you would have already accomplished it, or being in the process. Hmm.

I started this out because I was reflecting on a few of the situations in my life that
timing changed everything. The job I called to take, but was filled the day before,
the secretary who said I would not be allowed to have a dog, so I looked on, only to
speak later with the owner who said, I could have had many dogs if I would work for her.
The plane ride that was cancelled, and that plane crashed. These would all have taken
my life in completely different directions, yet I am glad I am living the journey I am,
and look happily forward to many more years.

So as the years pass, and we grow older, enjoy everyday and tell those you love how
you feel.
Be happy, live long and prosper.

Posted in Birthday, Education, Personal growth | Leave a comment

The smell in the Room

Thanksgiving is just a week away, and I have been doing much thinking about how grateful I am of this journey I call life. We are so lucky to live in an age of information at our disposal on You Tube, the internet, and kindle to put books at our fingertips with the click of a mouse.

I had a big AHA this week, when thinking about how my feelings are so important to my life.
I was raised with the adage “Fake it til you make it” and “there is no gain without pain”. WRONG!! That being said, I learned to disregard my feelings as important ways to adjust my actions.

The story of this AHA came from when I was cleaning out the cat box litter. Bagged and stinky I took the bag and put it in my car to take it to throw it away. When I returned to the car, I was immediately struck by the stench, uncomfortable. I had a short drive and I noticed as the time passed, I didn’t notice the smell anymore. It occurred to me, that many of my feelings were like that. Uncomfortable, yet if I moved on, I didn’t notice them. They were still there and needed to be handled if they were to be understood, yet I could manage to continue without changing them. Consequence; they would stack up in their unnoticed “stinkiness” until I was blown away by some unrelated situation. I would not realize my feelings were guiding me all along, and I chose to ignore them. What doesn’t get fixed, just keeps growing causing more things to get in your way to happiness. When you ignore enough of your feelings long enough, you will get sick. That is just the way it works.

Live in the moment, this means so much more to me today than it ever has before. Be aware of your feelings, and why they are what they are. It is not wrong to have bad feelings, they are just an indication you are not on the easiest track. You always get to pick your own path, your feelings just are indicators for you. My advice is to become aware of your feelings. Wake up and smell the cat litter so to speak. Be happy it is so much more fun then other ways I have tried before.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Be Grateful!

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To the Reserve Champion

I had the honor to judge the Arabian Youth Nationals this past week, and it was so much fun! The judges I had the honor to judge with were excellent, and fun, I met many new people, and got to watch some very nice horses. I am writing this because there was a class we judged that was so good it was exciting to be the judge.
The sad part of it to me was the rider who was second left the horse show feeling lack and regret for being second, instead of pride and happiness for doing an absolutely beautiful job. The class was so good that any of the top 6 could have won, and we would not have been wrong. Being the judge it is our job to put them in the order we think is best. That does not mean we think they are doing a bad job, it is just we must put them in an order. The test had an option of transitions and the winner chose to do the harder option beautifully, so that made her the winner, it did not turn the others into losers.
I hope to share this because I had a very parallel path in my life. I actually won a big class, and then I turned showing into what I win, as opposed to how much fun it was, or what I learned. I was never good enough for myself, which over time made things very hard, even though I had much success on the outside, I never really felt it on the inside.
I want to help anyone who might want to learn from my experience to avoid the pain I self inflicted, and the time I wasted not having a good time. I am not saying I do not enjoy winning, I am just saying that you must learn to support yourself, and enjoy what you do for reasons that are good for you. Winning is the icing on the cake, and you must like the cake enough to enjoy it without icing. Changing the recipe, growing and learning gets you to the icing, yet without the cake, the icing is not that fun either.
Keep doing your best, and love yourself in the right way, so you can grow and enjoy the journey.

Real life story:
We just finished our last class of the show, and our reserve champion can cruising over to our box (not appropriate w/o the Steward) The other Judge and I were happy to see her and my fellow judge actually shook her hand and I told her how beautifully she rode, and then we saw she was vibrating with unhappiness. That so made me sad. I wanted to hug her and get her to feel as proud of herself as we did, yet she only saw the lack of not winning. She was a winner even though she was second. At that point the Steward came and had to shoo her off.
I want all of mankind to learn to be nicer to ourselves, we can still compete and ride and have the journey we choose, let’s just do it in a kinder way for ourselves. This does not come from the outside or other people, it has to come from inside. No outside power has enough power make you feel good about you. It is an inside job, so please work on yourself in a loving way. It will make the journey magical. I can tell you from personal experience!
Love on!!
Be careful out there.

Posted in Education, Horse world, Personal growth, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment